Hockey Night in Sparta

Truth be told, March-June is my favourite time of year. The one-two punch of the NCAA playoffs followed by the NHL playoffs really rocks my jock socks. March Madness was killer and the first round of playoff hockey is pretty much kicking ass...UNTIL THIS HAPPENED:



Message to the city of Ottawa: STOP HAVING A HOCKEY TEAM. They're down two games and the best crowd motivator this organization can come up with is a homoerotic tribute to awesome pecs? I'm one of those people who gets embarrassed when I see people in embarrassing situations (I covered my eyes for about 80% of Borat), and wound up having to leave the room part-way through this, peering around the corner every so often to see if it was finally over.

Speaking of embarrassing NHL-related situations: SEAN AVERY. If you watch hockey you've probably seen this clip of Avery's new "screening" method against Martin Brodeur:



Now, there are two schools of thought on this. "Screening" has always been an accepted part of a defenceman's job and some people feel that Avery was doing just that. Others, like Ron McLean, feel that Avery should have been given a game misconduct (suspended for the remainder of the game, monetary fine and 10 minutes of additional penalty time). I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. On the one hand, Sean Avery is a total assclown. On the other hand, he did his job and rattled Brodeur enough to score on him within a minute of that incident. Read this for a more comprehensive view. Because hockey is VERY IMPORTANT.

p.s. Penguins in 4.

I gave her my heart and she gave me a mix tape

DANCE MANIA

http://circusburgers.muxtape.com

Rob Ford: The Legend Continues

I recently received a request for more Toronto municipal politics coverage (yes, you read correctly, who knew?). You may remember Councillor Rob Ford from the bottom of this blog and he's back at the top, baby! Here it is, Councillor Ford's latest and greatest moment. It's as exciting as a Don Cherry "Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em" video, but instead of a reel of awesome Marty Brodeur saves you get a fat white guy going ape-shit. 

Dancing With...Bernard Sumner

Kristy Yamaguchi is dancing the Tango to an Englebert Humperdink-version of "Blue Monday". I swear to god, this show gets more bizarre with every injection of medical-grade silicone into Priscilla Presley's face (who may or may not be Mombi from Return to Oz). I'll upload the lunacy as soon as I can get my paws on it, stay tuned!

Edit: My mistake, they were dancing the "Paso Doble", which is Spanish for "It looks like the Tango". And it's not so much an Englebert Humperdink-version of "Blue Monday", I think it has more of a Robert Goulet flavour.

I gave her my heart and she gave me a mix tape

This will become a regular feature on the blog, it's a ruse to make me seem less lazy when I haven't written a "real" post. 12 songs to blow your freaking mind.

http://circusburgers.muxtape.com/

Scientologists stole my Fresh Prince DVD's

Alright, I'm a million light years behind with my posts so let's get right into it.

If you're a practicing Scientologist, stop reading now because I don't want you fuckers stalking me around the city in your unmarked cube van. I get enough of that from the Degrassi kids.

Scientology: Hoax? Cult? Stupidest reason ever for Isaac Hayes to quit South Park? A resounding yes to all of the above. Scientology has always seemed cookoo bananas, but one movement in particular has shed much unflattering light on Monsieur Hubbard and his band of merry morons. You may have heard the group "Anonymous" declare their assault on the world's most ridiculous tax shelter with a message on YouTube. I bore witness to the most recent of two Anonymous protests that have taken place in my city and let me tell you, these guys are f'ing organized. Not only have they managed to hold synchronized world-wide demonstrations (well almost, yes I know about time zones, douchebags), but when I accepted a flyer from one of the protesters the dude actually took the time to make sure I knew who they were and the reasons for their protest. Plus they wear costumes and I'm a huge sucker for dress-up time (Tickle Trunk, represent!).

I'm not going to bore you with why I think/know that Scientologists are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. Read up, make up your own mind and for jebus sake, watch some South Park. Because it's funnier than Family Guy. Word.

Aside: Does anyone else think that Scientology's purpose might be akin to the plot of Josie and the Pussycats, where Fiona used subliminal messaging through the Megasound 8000 to convince millions of teenagers that she was cool? How badly would you crap your pants if you found out the whole purpose of Scientology was to try and convince people that Tom Cruise is tall.